Tone

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." 

Billy - age 4 

This topic of tone of voice has come up a couple times for me lately.  It's powerful stuff.  While some people are more sensitive to tone of voice than others, based on their personality (introverts are more sensitive to it than extroverts, for example), I am also developing a theory about tone of voice and young children.  Here it is:

I think that young children are more sensitive to tone of voice than we adults are.  The reason I have developed this theory is not only from experience.  Yes, I have experienced the way young children are keenly aware of body language and tone of voice.  However, my theory is based not only on that, but also on the development of language.  Young children are closer (much, actually) to the nonverbal stage of life than we are.  Some are still emerging from it.  In the non-verbal stage, they were used to communicating without words.  Their reliance on non-verbal cues mades them sensitive to subtle changes in body language, etc.  Yes, we all were in that stage at one point.  I think that since they are closer to that stage, that maybe they subconsciously remember what it is like, and have retained some of the skills they developed during that stage.  

Because they are closer to their non-verbal stage than we are, they are more sensitive to the non-verbal cues.  Because they are more sensitive, it is even more important for us as adults to pay attention to our own non-verbal cues.  The tone of our voice can tell them much more than our words do.  The expression on our faces tell the volumes about how we are feeling, and maybe even what we are thinking.  Our body language can be enough to make them feel vulnerable or confident.  Raised eyebrows vs. a slightly furrowed brow; crossed arms or open; standing tall, or squatting down to their level. . . these things all tell young children how much we honor and respect them; what feelings are really behind our words; whether we are judging them or accepting them.  

It's a delicate task to keep not only every word, but our posture, our tone of voice, our facial expressions all positive and receptive and loving.  Of course we want to give them love, and we want them to be receptive.  As caregivers, if we want them to receive love from us, we need to not only use loving words, but a loving tone, and safe, receptive body language.  This is a constant challenge for us, but an important one.

We need to keep their names safe in our mouths.

~ Katie